Wednesday, November 26, 2008

show your face, livin' in the shadows like you got no name...enough to make a little girly go insane


i did what i never thought i would do today. i cried in a toilet cubicle at work. my boss managed to get so far under my skin today that i couldn't hold tears back. fortunately i was able to hold it until i got to the bathroom...i was not giving her the satisfaction of seeing her get to me.

i applied for a job last night that would be fantastic if i got it. it's right on path with what i want to do and i have come to realise you really do have to have passion for what you're doing so that the tough times are easier to get through. i would be taking a pay cut but right now my happiness, satisfaction and pride have to come first.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

it's overwhelming, but what else can we do? get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

we go to school for thirteen years. for a lot of those years we look forward to being adults and finally finishing high school. we go to uni and get a job and spend a lot of our days looking forward to four weeks of holidays a year and look back fondly on the days when we had two weeks off every fourteen weeks and a whole summer to spend on the beach.

there are some things i miss about school and some things i am glad are long gone. at the moment i could think of nothing better than only having the commitment of school between 8.40am and 3.30pm and feeling like i was really achieving something.

i am in a job at the moment that it is slowly killing me inside. i feel like my blood boils from 8.30am to 5pm and i am made to feel worthless. i have always had trouble with anxiety and am currently taking medication for it but even that's not enough when it comes to going to work. i am treated like a complete idiot. thankfully i can remember that i've always been recognised in the past for my proactiveness, intelligence and common sense although i often wonder for how long those memories can get me through the day.

my boyfriend gives me a world of support but people can only listen to their loved ones' pain and suffering for so long. i need to get a new job before i really start to believe i am as useless and unintelligent as i am treated.

Monday, November 24, 2008

i'm as calm as a fruit stand in new york and maybe as strange


i found out today that ryan adams and the cardinals will be visiting my hometown very soon and i have to say i am very excited.
got kings of leon tickets last week, as well as tickets to two different music festivals this summer and cannot wait for it all to begin.

i want to ride my bicycle, i want to ride my bike


i am so in love with this bike! it is one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen.
i want to move to france with this bicycle and visit markets, ride along the river and fill the basket with baguettes, red wine, cheese and lavender.